| melancholy cove LUST LIZARDS | |
| Owners: | Stephen Paul Webb |
| Stadium: | Den of Iniquity Coliseum |
| Head Coach | Bobby Hurley |
| Bench Coach | Steve Wojohowski |
| Director of College Scouting | Cherokee Parks |
| General Manager | Stephen Paul Webb |
| Announcing Crew | Jerry Seinfeld |
| George Meursan+ | |
| Charles Barkley | |
| Trainer | Oliver Miller |
| Psychologist: | David Duchovny |
| Team Captain: | Shaquille O'Neal |
| Mascot: | Steve the Lust Lizard |
| Point Guards | Salary | ||||
| Steve Nash | $36 | ||||
| John Stockton | $21 | ||||
| Shooting Guards | Salary | ||||
| Brent Barry | $18 | ||||
| Emanuel Ginobili | $12 | ||||
| Jason Richardson | $18 | ||||
| Small Forwards | Salary | ||||
| Devean George | $1 | ||||
| Corey Maggette | $3 | ||||
| Shawn Marion | $41 | ||||
| Peja Stojakovic | $48 | ||||
| Power Forwards | Salary | ||||
| Tyrone Hill | $19 | ||||
| Vladamir Radmanovic | $3 | ||||
| Amare Stoudemire | $8 | ||||
| Centers | Salary | ||||
| Michael Olowokandi | $15 | ||||
| Shaquille O'Neal | $64 | ||||
| Shawn Bradley | $15 | ||||
| Amateur Reserve | Salary | ||||
| Darko Milicic | $3 | ||||
| Chris Duhon | $2 | ||||
| Edu Hernandez | $1 | ||||
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